Switzerland!
I woke up this morning with my teeth clenched tightly and wondered yet again if I should get a mouthguard. For what must be the twentieth time, I had to give myself a pep talk in the elevator ride, slapping my chest and chanting..
"YOU GOT THIS! YOU GOT THIS!"
If it was temporary, I wouldn't even bring it up. It's just that it never stopped being so intense; every day, I either bring my A-game or get punched in the face. I've never winced so much in my life. Even if I have a "perfect" day, someone else on my team doesn't, resulting in much face punching and drop kick action.
I contemplated getting my manager (bearer of the brunt of the pain) a hardhat, as a kind of side joke/award for taking the punishment and living to tell the tale! But then I found out he might be quitting, so maybe that's not so appropriate after all (maybe a hardhat with a huge hole in it?)
Imagine then my excitement when my admin messaged me and gave me the opportunity to move to Switzerland for half a year! Delirious with adrenaline and excitement, I said "Yes!" and began to hyperventilate. I was beyond words - finally, an opportunity of a lifetime and it LANDS IN MY LAP! MINE! All afternoon, I dreamt of Lindt chocolate and Swiss Miss. I dreamed of sending my friends postcards of me in the Swiss Alps, my arms draped across the shoulders of hot blondes, giving them playful looks and a knowing smile. Switzerland! Swissland! Swizz Beats! I coming! I coming!
Alas, the very next day, I found out that this offer was given to all associates across the nation. I did much sighing. If the opportunity still existed, it would be almost impossible to land without a bribe or a well-connected dad named Wilhelm or Bjork. Disappointment doesn't quite capture the feeling I had that day...it cut deeper than that. It made me angry. I know I'm being stupid, but dammit, I give myself pep talks before work. Swiss Land would have been my prize, the badge I could wear on my chest for taking the hits and refusing to go down. But you take away that prize, and you're just a guy that's out there, taking hits for no reason.
What direction is my life taking? The honest answer is, Who knows??? I'm plainly not making the progress I had hoped for. Professionally, yes, but in all other aspects - spiritual, mental, and personal, I've had no clear direction. Switzerland represented a just reward for my hard work - there's no part of that doesn't feel a sense of entitlement, that I should be the one that gets to go.
But to be honest, I don't deserve to go. No matter how much punishment I've taken, the person who should go should be the person that has a poster of Switzerland taped to their wall, for whom Swiss Land is a tangible goal and not simply a prize. And that's what I've decided that I have to do - lay out some real goals that I want to accomplish this year, in 5 years, in ten years. I might not get to go this year, but when I do go, it'll be because I deserve to be there. And it all starts with this year, so let's make it happen! Now go out there and be somebody!
"YOU GOT THIS! YOU GOT THIS!"
If it was temporary, I wouldn't even bring it up. It's just that it never stopped being so intense; every day, I either bring my A-game or get punched in the face. I've never winced so much in my life. Even if I have a "perfect" day, someone else on my team doesn't, resulting in much face punching and drop kick action.
I contemplated getting my manager (bearer of the brunt of the pain) a hardhat, as a kind of side joke/award for taking the punishment and living to tell the tale! But then I found out he might be quitting, so maybe that's not so appropriate after all (maybe a hardhat with a huge hole in it?)
Imagine then my excitement when my admin messaged me and gave me the opportunity to move to Switzerland for half a year! Delirious with adrenaline and excitement, I said "Yes!" and began to hyperventilate. I was beyond words - finally, an opportunity of a lifetime and it LANDS IN MY LAP! MINE! All afternoon, I dreamt of Lindt chocolate and Swiss Miss. I dreamed of sending my friends postcards of me in the Swiss Alps, my arms draped across the shoulders of hot blondes, giving them playful looks and a knowing smile. Switzerland! Swissland! Swizz Beats! I coming! I coming!
Alas, the very next day, I found out that this offer was given to all associates across the nation. I did much sighing. If the opportunity still existed, it would be almost impossible to land without a bribe or a well-connected dad named Wilhelm or Bjork. Disappointment doesn't quite capture the feeling I had that day...it cut deeper than that. It made me angry. I know I'm being stupid, but dammit, I give myself pep talks before work. Swiss Land would have been my prize, the badge I could wear on my chest for taking the hits and refusing to go down. But you take away that prize, and you're just a guy that's out there, taking hits for no reason.
What direction is my life taking? The honest answer is, Who knows??? I'm plainly not making the progress I had hoped for. Professionally, yes, but in all other aspects - spiritual, mental, and personal, I've had no clear direction. Switzerland represented a just reward for my hard work - there's no part of that doesn't feel a sense of entitlement, that I should be the one that gets to go.
But to be honest, I don't deserve to go. No matter how much punishment I've taken, the person who should go should be the person that has a poster of Switzerland taped to their wall, for whom Swiss Land is a tangible goal and not simply a prize. And that's what I've decided that I have to do - lay out some real goals that I want to accomplish this year, in 5 years, in ten years. I might not get to go this year, but when I do go, it'll be because I deserve to be there. And it all starts with this year, so let's make it happen! Now go out there and be somebody!
posted by Nathan at 8:25 PM
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