Golem
The first thing he introduced me to was his vice grip.
"Hi Nathan, I've heard so much about you." His words were weighty and commanding, and carried what could be called "executive presence." Those Biz Comm classes must have paid off. I thought.
"Yea, Mr. Golem (ow). It's nice to meet you, too."
"Hey, that's fantastic. Well, if you have a spare moment, I'd really been meaning to catch up with you and have you, uh, reboot my thinking on this material. My background is mainly in investment banking, on the sales side, and I really want us to make a strong impact that is both immediate and ground-shaking. I've read the prep documents, which by the way, I've taken the pleasure of sending to your inbox and I'll say that this client is going to be astounded by what we have to bring to the dinner table. These guys...they're still in the STONE AGES. I can see why they need our help. And you might ask yourself, how do I know this? Well, Nathan, it doesn't take an expert to know that..."
Almost an hour later, he finally finished. I wanted to cry in relief. He smiled, shook my limp hand and left me in my cube, devastated and incapable of intelligent thought.
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Our visit to Tuscon was uneventful, but pleasant. Colin, the VP, was a wonderful and gregarious Irishman who had recently moved from the Bay Area to Tuscon. He greeted us in the lobby and escorted us to our first meeting, to introduce ourselves and meet his team for fifteen minutes. Since Golem had just started with our firm recently, I thought it'd be a good idea for me to start the meeting, which he agreed with.
I looked around the table and saw a lot of motivated, cheery faces. Good, I thought, everyone's pretty upbeat today.
"Hello everyone! I'm Nathan, and I'm one of your consultants. This is my Manager on for this project, Freddie Golem. We're both glad to make it out here to Tuscon. I..."
I made the mistake of pausing, and Golem jumped in:
"Thanks, Nathan! I've taken the pleasure of preparing an agenda for today's meeting. Now, many of you may be asking yourselves why you're here. And, maybe just as importantly, why are we here? Well, I have that answer - our firm is dedicated 100% to devoting the resources, personnel and knowledge to making sure that this project is successful. I'm confident that once we aligned our mutual objectives, you'll agree with me when I say, hey, these Consultants are pretty damn good."
The meeting lasted an hour. His stupefying and intense, machine-gun fire English deadened the senses of everyone in the room. I realized then that I'd have to get the job done despite him.
----------------------------------------------------------
The night before we returned to California, Golem decided that we should treat ourselves to a nice meal. I grudgingly agreed.
"Well, Nathan," Golem asked in a friendly tone, "So. We've been so busy with work, I haven't had any time to get to know you. So, tell me. What's your background? Not your, you know, your ethnic background or anything, but your history - where you grew up, where you went to school..."
Thus began our awkward, mechanical conversation. I would answer his questions, and he would pose additional questions, all posed with genuine interest but with a degree of formality that he could not shake:
"Really? Well, my personal thought is: hip hop rap is great. I remember listening to that music back in my college days. When did you first get into hip hop rap?"
"Really? I used to exercise a lot myself. What other physical activities do you like to do on the weekends?"
At the end of our dinner, I came to the realization that despite his cold, robot exterior, he was a nice guy. Despite all the grief he caused me and the client, I couldn't bring myself to hate him any longer. He was too well-intentioned. He tried too hard to please. Lost and confused, he used the only weapon at his disposal - witless consultant-speak - to make sense of a scary new world.
----------------------------------------------------
Back in California...
I came into work next Monday and saw his head bobbing along the cubicle maze. Already, people were scrambling. Spotting me at the door, Jessica hurried over.
"Hey, kid. How did it go?"
I nodded reluctantly. She understood my meaning instantly.
As I walked to my seat, I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as I overheard him introducing himself to another consultant,
"Hey, I'm here for you. It's my job. I'm here to help."
"Hi Nathan, I've heard so much about you." His words were weighty and commanding, and carried what could be called "executive presence." Those Biz Comm classes must have paid off. I thought.
"Yea, Mr. Golem (ow). It's nice to meet you, too."
"Hey, that's fantastic. Well, if you have a spare moment, I'd really been meaning to catch up with you and have you, uh, reboot my thinking on this material. My background is mainly in investment banking, on the sales side, and I really want us to make a strong impact that is both immediate and ground-shaking. I've read the prep documents, which by the way, I've taken the pleasure of sending to your inbox and I'll say that this client is going to be astounded by what we have to bring to the dinner table. These guys...they're still in the STONE AGES. I can see why they need our help. And you might ask yourself, how do I know this? Well, Nathan, it doesn't take an expert to know that..."
Almost an hour later, he finally finished. I wanted to cry in relief. He smiled, shook my limp hand and left me in my cube, devastated and incapable of intelligent thought.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Our visit to Tuscon was uneventful, but pleasant. Colin, the VP, was a wonderful and gregarious Irishman who had recently moved from the Bay Area to Tuscon. He greeted us in the lobby and escorted us to our first meeting, to introduce ourselves and meet his team for fifteen minutes. Since Golem had just started with our firm recently, I thought it'd be a good idea for me to start the meeting, which he agreed with.
I looked around the table and saw a lot of motivated, cheery faces. Good, I thought, everyone's pretty upbeat today.
"Hello everyone! I'm Nathan, and I'm one of your consultants. This is my Manager on for this project, Freddie Golem. We're both glad to make it out here to Tuscon. I..."
I made the mistake of pausing, and Golem jumped in:
"Thanks, Nathan! I've taken the pleasure of preparing an agenda for today's meeting. Now, many of you may be asking yourselves why you're here. And, maybe just as importantly, why are we here? Well, I have that answer - our firm is dedicated 100% to devoting the resources, personnel and knowledge to making sure that this project is successful. I'm confident that once we aligned our mutual objectives, you'll agree with me when I say, hey, these Consultants are pretty damn good."
The meeting lasted an hour. His stupefying and intense, machine-gun fire English deadened the senses of everyone in the room. I realized then that I'd have to get the job done despite him.
----------------------------------------------------------
The night before we returned to California, Golem decided that we should treat ourselves to a nice meal. I grudgingly agreed.
"Well, Nathan," Golem asked in a friendly tone, "So. We've been so busy with work, I haven't had any time to get to know you. So, tell me. What's your background? Not your, you know, your ethnic background or anything, but your history - where you grew up, where you went to school..."
Thus began our awkward, mechanical conversation. I would answer his questions, and he would pose additional questions, all posed with genuine interest but with a degree of formality that he could not shake:
"Really? Well, my personal thought is: hip hop rap is great. I remember listening to that music back in my college days. When did you first get into hip hop rap?"
"Really? I used to exercise a lot myself. What other physical activities do you like to do on the weekends?"
At the end of our dinner, I came to the realization that despite his cold, robot exterior, he was a nice guy. Despite all the grief he caused me and the client, I couldn't bring myself to hate him any longer. He was too well-intentioned. He tried too hard to please. Lost and confused, he used the only weapon at his disposal - witless consultant-speak - to make sense of a scary new world.
----------------------------------------------------
Back in California...
I came into work next Monday and saw his head bobbing along the cubicle maze. Already, people were scrambling. Spotting me at the door, Jessica hurried over.
"Hey, kid. How did it go?"
I nodded reluctantly. She understood my meaning instantly.
As I walked to my seat, I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face as I overheard him introducing himself to another consultant,
"Hey, I'm here for you. It's my job. I'm here to help."
posted by Nathan at 11:41 PM
